Like millions, I've struggled with the results of last week's election. And I've lost "friends" on Facebook over it. It's not that Trump won, that's not the point. The point is and what disgusts me (and that's the word that got 'em!) is that when they cast their vote for that guy, they were telling him that they're okay with everything that he is. The ugly, racist, bigoted, sexual predator, homophobe that he is. And that I cannot condone. He is everything that I loathe in a human being. And I'm not alone.
You can share a life experience with someone, work side by side with someone, even be related to someone and still not be "friends". I found that out the hard way. So instead of unfriending some 300 people, I decided to unfriend myself. I'm taking a little break from Facebook. I'll enjoy the holidays, read some books, fill my home with more vintage goodness, love on my husband and family.
I read this article that I thought was perfect and I'm going to share it here.
To my ex-friends on Facebook:
I can’t do it anymore.
As much as I love you, as many good and bad times as we’ve been
through together, even though I know there’s decency in you somewhere, I
just can’t do it anymore.
I can’t read your Facebook posts, the ones where you laugh about
voting for a man who bragged about sexually assaulting women or your
gleeful posts about welfare recipients losing their benefits and
reconcile that with my own definition of a good person. I can’t accept
your casual cruelty. I can’t live with your veiled, dog-whistle racism.
This isn’t because I “didn’t get my way.” It isn’t because I feel
“entitled.” That you would invalidate my feelings that way hurts most of
See, I have other Facebook friends besides you. Some of them are gay,
or Muslim, or Latina, or undocumented. They fear for their lives today.
They fear for their children’s safety. They are hurt and they’re
I have many, many friends who have survived domestic violence and
sexual assault, so very many of them, more than you can imagine. Those
friends woke up on Wednesday morning to the realization that a man who
said his accusers were too ugly to assault was endorsed by nearly half
the country as a leader. They woke up to newspapers splashed with
pictures of a man who said that he could “grab women by the p*ssy”
without their consent because he’s a big, big star. They saw the interviews
with his supporters, telling them to “grow a set” and “get over it.”
They woke up in a world that dismissed their pain because the world
doesn’t get it.
Neither do you.
My friends of color saw a man elected as their president who was
willing to hire as his campaign CEO one of the most vile racists that
exists. They watched him begin his campaign by calling them, their
friends, and their family members who face racial violence every day
“rapists” and “drug dealers.” They’ve watched as Donald Trump actively
sought out the hatred and paranoia of the most deplorable people in the
world. They watched a man become president who called the first black
president “evil” and illegitimate. They heard him, who has more than
likely never visited one of the actual neighborhoods he says he’s going
to fix, tell them they were “living in hell,” accuse them of having been
so stupid as to have been duped into voting Democrat for several
decades now, and demonize the only movement working toward ending the
murders of their sons, mothers, brothers, fathers, and friends at the
hands of police.
You helped elect that man.
Call me what you like. Send me ranting Facebook messages telling me
that I’m closed-minded, that I’m unwilling to accept you for who you
are, and that I’m a hypocrite for asking that all people be accepted for
who they are. That’s fine. You may not understand that accepting a
person for who they love is not the same as accepting a person for
everyone they hate, but that’s okay.
Please don’t tell me you don’t hate them, either. You can’t continue
to ignore the human rights abuses that have been perpetrated against
them because of the policies you support and tell me you don’t hate.
Thanks to the magic of the “unfriend” button on Facebook, I don’t
have to listen to you anymore. I can stop seeing the comment where you
laughed when I was upset about Donald Trump tweeting false and racist
memes to inflame the racism and violence his supporters inflicted on
protesters. I can remove from my everyday experience your refusal to
acknowledge your own privilege while you judge and stereotype others. I
can refuse to condone by my silence the bigotry that you condoned when
you cast your vote.
I can choose to surround myself with kind people, people who don’t
selfishly lash out because of their own struggles but use those
struggles to extend empathy to others. Right now, I need to be with the
activists, the peacemakers, the healers, and the hopeful.
Let me know when you’re ready to join us.