New year, same me...

...because I'm already fabulous!  Ha!  

I don't usually make New Year's resolutions.  I just try to do better than I did the previous year.  I can do that again with 2019.  No need to make weight loss promises to myself, no need to promise to be a better person, kinder and more forgiving.  I just will do what I need to do to feel good about ME, love on those around me, who stand with me and by me.  That's what I'll do.

I have pretty much cut some folks out of my life the last couple of years.  Toxic, abusive and controlling people that I love, still love, but can't tolerate anymore.  It's sad, really, but you gotta do what's good for YOU.  Decades of verbal abuse and just putting up with it, biting my tongue and not defending myself are over.  Completely over.  Apologies that I'll never get and closeness that I'll never feel again, those realizations have been hard but I got through it.  2019 is the year that I move on from it, not looking for apologies anymore and definitely not needing that closeness anymore.  

Oh well.  Life is like that sometimes.  The world continues to turn and life continues to fly by.  I still can't believe how fast 2018 went.  Most of it I spent in pain with my foot.  Oh, how I wish I could go back to that pain!  That pain was nothing compared to what I'm going through now.  The hematoma left my foot with a huge crater and no matter how carefully and lovingly Larry has cared for it, it is not healing.  The pain is unbelievable.  I cry all the time and nothing helps, not narcotics, which I have in abundance, not rest, not staying off it, nothing helps.  It is not healing like it should be so tomorrow, I'm having a second surgery, this one at their Jack Hughston Memorial Hospital in Phenix City, Alabama.  

Debridement.  Google it and cry with me.

Workers' Comp has assigned a nurse to come here to our home and take care of me.  She will come and change this sponge and drain thing that will be put on me tomorrow.  She'll come every 3 to 4 days, I'm told.  This whole experience has been nothing but a nightmare.  I just wanted my foot fixed.  I wanted the nerve pain to go away so that I could walk like a normal human being, go hiking with my husband, walk on the beach with him without hurting.  I had NO idea that this was in my future.  But it was and I know God has me wrapped in His loving arms.  I know that.  I know He's with me during the dark, dark nights that I sit in my recliner and cry.  I know He's with Larry, who feels completely helpless in this whole mess.  God has amazing healing powers and He will heal me, too!  This was part of my journey to get to the next phase in my life.  I know I will survive it and that I will come out on the other side smelling like the pink rose that I am and wearing real shoes again.

I appreciate your prayers and thoughts of us as we continue to fight this.  For better or for worse, in sickness and in health.  Larry has kept those vows like a champ.  I could not have made it without him.